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{<b><p18> ESFJ <p12><n>}
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{<b>Stand By Your Lover<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> They are bound by duty and responsibility in a relationship. They act appropriately and expect the same from their partners. Though somewhat ruled by "what other people think," which can bog them down in a number of ways, they are still true-blue lovers committed to making everyone happy -- according to their rules.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Formal, impeccable, gracious, maybe a bit plastic, yet fun. You are at ease in a moment.

<IB>Communications:<N> The ESFJ takes charge, talking easily (and often excessively) about many things. They feel a responsibility for keeping a conversation going, so they are quick to fill silences. If there is a communication problem or mix-up, the ESFJ may be quick to accept the blame.

<IB>Finance:<N> Male ESFJs often have a high need to be in charge of money matters, while female ESFJs usually defer to their male mates. Both will tend to be frugal, spending according to a schedule, only rarely engaging in self-indulgent pleasures; an overdose of such pleasures will surely lead to guilt.

<IB>Conflict:<N> They shun conflict, are intimidated by it, and prefer to sweep it under the rug. They would just as soon feed chicken soup to warring parties in the hopes that all will come together in harmony. When they do occasionally sound abrasive, their harsh words will be quickly followed by syrupy ones, so as to quell any possibility of strife.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> ESFJ males may have some need to assume a dominant/leader role and will be put off or intimated if the female doesn't assume <I>her<N> "traditional" role. Female ESFJs may prefer permission from some authoritative source -- within or outside themselves -- to temper their tendency to be scheduled and formal. Beyond those obstacles they are warm, loving, and self-sacrificing lovers.

<IB>Commitment:<N> It is forever and ever. And if anything goes wrong, they tend to think of the relationship's demise as their own fault.

<IB>Parenting:<N> They can be very formal and structured. They expect children to behave and can induce guilt upon them if they don't. They can be almost smothering in their love and very sacrificing on behalf of their children. But these are not "free" sacrifices. The ESFJ expects obedience and commitment in return.

<IB>Contracting:<N> They stick by any contract. Their word is as good as gold. They are likely to sell out or subjugate their own needs in the name of harmony.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> They have trouble accepting relationship failure. Even death is easier than a relationship gone awry. But after they get past the guilt and the thought that they were responsible for the ending, they can wrap it up and walk away.}
