.enfj
{<b><p18>ENFJ <p12><n>

<b>The Relationship Is Everything<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> The relationship junkies. Generally skilled at interpersonal dynamics, they are an inspiration to, and are inspired by, others. They do well motivating those closest to them and generally are happiest when a mate responds to their affirmations. The ENFJ also loves to rescue and take care of his or her mate and children. Though such caretaking can at times be smothering, ENFJs are generally appreciated for warmth and affection.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Fun and delightful. Not overly aware of protocol and appropriateness. ENFJs' facility with the spoken word, as well as their sensitivity to others, usually leaves positive first impressions. They are generally affirming and sensitive towards others, which is initially very evident in deeds and words.

<IB>Communications:<N> As a rule, they are good with words, though in an effort to be diplomatic in difficult situations they may hem and haw. Generous in their approval of others, they are quick to put people at ease and make them feel worthwhile.

<IB>Finance:<N> Their need for closure, coupled with a high concern for others, makes them use finances to serve some ideal. So while they may be somewhat conservative with money, they are generally responsible and effective in financial matters.

<IB>Conflict:<N> This is troublesome for ENFJs, something to be avoided. With such a positive approach to people, they use a great deal of time and energy to keep negative thoughts and actions from surfacing in the hopes that they will simply go away. There is no conflict so big that it cannot be swept under a rug with a few affirming words.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> As with other areas of life, intimacy is a chance to express caring and concern, so the mate's happiness and satisfaction is foremost in any intimate encounter. As with other Feelers, part of the ENFJs' need is to meet others' needs. Intimacy is a scheduled, affirming opportunity for sweet talk.

<IB>Commitment:<N> Not only is it lifelong, but ENFJs especially can be undone with guilt and self-blame if a relationship fails. They are more self-critical than some other types because they assume that much of the commitment's success is on their shoulders.

<IB>Parenting:<N> Because ENFJs have an unusually high need to impose their values on others, children are in the direct line of fire. So ENFJs see parenting as an awesome task in which they must be role models, responsible for shaping the kids up. Parenthood is the vehicle to pass on goals and ideals.

<IB>Contracting:<N> Like any other interpersonal enhancement, contracting is a positive experience. If it will help a couple grow, strengthen their relationship, or help them through a stressful situation, then a contract is by all means a good thing. The overriding force is the relationship, and anything that helps it is a plus.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> Though they may resist a relationship's end because of the fear of hurting someone, or not wanting to face the reality of the situation, once it becomes clear the relationship is over, they will end it and find a new mate relatively quickly. A poor relationship is better than none; after all, it still can be rescued and improved.}


.enfp
{<b><p18>ENFP <p12><n>

<b>You Can Never Be Too Close<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Their sphere of close personal relationships can include more than just a mate, extending to anyone from the Little League team to a community group, all of which are approached with intensity and affection. Their mate may feel it necessary to compete for the ENFP's prime-time affection with these and other individuals and entities.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Easygoing and engaging, upbeat and highly enthusiastic. They can be all over the place at once, wanting everyone to be involved and happy. As a result ENFPs can appear a bit touchy-feely and smothering at the outset.

<IB>Communications:<N> They are prone to blurting out expressions, and their words may seem charged with emotions. Often, they are very tuned in to other people, often taking on their emotions, even to the point of unconsciously mimicking them. While quite good with words, their enthusiasm can be given to overkill and become tiresome to listeners.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> The ENFP's rich imagination can make intimacy a constant pursuit -- even when a conquest has seemingly been achieved. Their pursuit of perfection in intimacy can keep them highly involved, energized, and focused in all aspects and moments of an intimate relationship.

<IB>Finance:<N> Unless they have a knack for handling money, they will tend to go with the flow, doing whatever seems right at the time. For example, they may change banks or open new accounts rather than balance their checkbook. Where money is concerned, they tend to go in streaks -- one week being very hot, seemingly psychic on investments, the next very cold and even uninterested in the process. More often than not they would prefer that someone else handled money matters.

<IB>Conflict:<N> Often, their enthusiasm and spontaneity can unknowingly start a conflict, at which point the ENFP will immediately wish to be somewhere else. Unfortunately, their response to conflict doesn't often help the situation and can even compound it. For example, they may blurt out a harsh reaction, then be consumed with guilt or sorrow over their action.

<IB>Commitment:<N> It runs deep with an ENFP, though their imagination can provide a longing or searching for the "perfect" relationship. While being true to their vows, their natural tendency to fantasize can seduce them to consider other possibilities, though they may never act on them.

<IB>Parenting:<N> They are very affirming, creative, and dynamic parents. Children feel positive and are central to the family structure. ENFP parents turn "growing up" into a day-by-day adventure filled with many activities and lessons.

<IB>Contracting:<N> For ENFPs this is a process, not a goal. Hence, a contract is likely to be constantly revisited and redefined. Though intense and meaningful, a contract always can be changed in light of new data.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> More than any other type they can have trouble ending relationships. Frequently they hang in long after the relationship is dead, wondering what went wrong and where they failed, saying, "If only I had tried harder. . . ."}

.entj
{<b><p18>ENTJ <p12><n>

<b>Good Relationships Require Leadership<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Their gusto and enthusiasm can make them seem somewhat argumentative in an intimate relationship. They appreciate the excitement of every encounter, especially from a mate who is willing to challenge them on their ideas. Such hearty exchanges are gateways to genuine affection and deepening commitment.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Robust, in charge, and proud to let the world know about it. They can appear a bit arrogant, maybe even impatient when things seem listless. They love verbal exchanges and can quickly move a conversation to a win-lose argument.

<IB>Communications:<N> Often quite clear and articulate, reflecting a good command of the language. They like to engage any and all in spirited banter and appreciate people who are willing to take them on. They can be stunned when their enthusiasm for a point of view is interpreted as anger or argumentative. It's as if they're saying, "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the conversation."

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> Like everything else, this is an opportunity for leading and learning. Leave it to this type to convert the most intimate of moments into an opportunity for joint learning through creative leadership.

<IB>Finance:<N> Often, very effective with their money. They can often be geniuses to manipulate finances to accomplish goals. All phases of finances are just another system to measure life -- and the ENTJ's success. Effective financial success for them is sufficient proof of competency.

<IB>Conflict:<N> They can be dynamic and creative. In fact, what most others call a conflict is only a "healthy discussion" to an ENTJ, and it is likely to produce a number of creative and powerful lessons for both people.

<IB>Commitment:<N> Though an ENTJ may try to redefine it through clever use of words, generally, commitment is seen as a very objective act into which one enters with great seriousness. The ENTJ can assume personal responsibility for fulfilling the commitment.

<IB>Parenting:<N> This is an opportunity for joint learning and leading. The children are challenged daily so that growth and development are never-ending. The gift of the ENTJ parent to children is that they grow into independent adults, having been challenged and confronted at every turn.

<IB>Contracting:<N> They are often more excited by the form than the content of a contract. What does it say? What does it mean? How will it be accomplished? What benchmarks are built in to measure progress? What next steps are there when the contract is satisfied? These are among the many queries an ENTJ will pose in the process of refining, arguing, and ultimately fulfilling the contract.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> They are clear that a relationship is over if all of the opportunities for learning are past or complete. It's time to move on to the next situation. When this happens, the ENTJ can be seen as uncaring, unloving, or uninterested because of the objectivity with which they discuss the relationship's demise.}

.entp
{<b><p18>ENTP <p12><n>

<b>Relationships Are Just Another Challenge<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> They are the idea people, constantly improving and innovating ways in which relationships can grow and mature. This happens not just daily, but hourly. There are new ways to grow, worlds to conquer, and things to do that will produce growth, excitement, and self-improvement. The danger is that their enthusiasm isn't always backed up with action.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Easy to get along with, refreshing to be around, though their constant use of puns, plays on words, and other bits of cleverness can become tiring to others. Generally, they are facile conversationalists who can speak on many subjects, often all at the same time.

<IB>Communications:<N> They are skilled with words, so communication becomes an art form for ENTPs. However, they can argue for the sake of arguing, which can make others wary of engaging them in any real depth. For ENTPs such engagements are opportunities to help others think as well as to clarify their own thinking.

<IB>Finance:<N> They are big risk-takers, capable of winning and losing fortunes several times over in their lives. Finances are means, not ends, and so life with them can be a roller-coaster. They always seem to be working some new scheme, investment, or idea that will not only end their financial troubles, but also make the world a better place for everyone.

<IB>Conflict:<N> What is perceived by ENTPs as a simple exchange of clever words or ideas can be viewed by others as a fight-provoking comment. But ENTPs aren't necessarily committed to what they've said; it's merely a matter of getting all the words and points of view out on the table, where they can be confronted. For them, what's important is not to take things personally so much as work things through in order to engender learning. Their need for constant improvement often results in wanting to get in the final word on a subject, even though they know they risk dragging out a conflict.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> Like everything else, this is a learning process subject to continual improvement. So everything from conversations to body movements can be constantly monitored in order to ensure that each intimate moment brings growth and satisfaction to both parties.

<IB>Commitment:<N> They view it as meaningful and deep, but it can be constantly reviewed in light of unfolding developments in the relationship. By revisiting their commitments on a regular basis they are able to redefine and reorder their commitment based on whatever growth has taken place -- or hasn't.

<IB>Parenting:<N> This is an opportunity to challenge, encourage, and improve young minds. Children, for ENTPs, can be an excuse not only to teach, but to learn themselves. They can turn any chore, event, or family matter into an exercise in self-mastery for both their children, their spouse, and themselves. Their goal is to make everyone an independent thinker, regardless of whether this is appropriate for each individual.

<IB>Contracting:<N> It is a process by which the relationship will grow. For them contracting is a journey, not a destination. Consequently arguing, reframing ideas, and exchanging opinions are all part of contracting. Nothing is in concrete; everything is up for constant redefinition, and the ENTP knows the relationship will be better because of the process.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> Generally a relationship's end is a time for ENTPs to examine their competencies, failures, satisfactions, and successes. For them the relationship isn't really over -- even if their mate has left or died -- until they have reviewed and resolved such matters. This gives them one more chance to fit the relationship into the scheme of their lives, and extract whatever learning there is to be had. At that point the relationship is over, and not likely to be revisited.}

.esfj
{<b><p18>ESFJ <p12><n>

<b>Stand By Your Lover<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> They are bound by duty and responsibility in a relationship. They act appropriately and expect the same from their partners. Though somewhat ruled by "what other people think," which can bog them down in a number of ways, they are still true-blue lovers committed to making everyone happy -- according to their rules.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Formal, impeccable, gracious, maybe a bit plastic, yet fun. You are at ease in a moment.

<IB>Communications:<N> The ESFJ takes charge, talking easily (and often excessively) about many things. They feel a responsibility for keeping a conversation going, so they are quick to fill silences. If there is a communication problem or mix-up, the ESFJ may be quick to accept the blame.

<IB>Finance:<N> Male ESFJs often have a high need to be in charge of money matters, while female ESFJs usually defer to their male mates. Both will tend to be frugal, spending according to a schedule, only rarely engaging in self-indulgent pleasures; an overdose of such pleasures will surely lead to guilt.

<IB>Conflict:<N> They shun conflict, are intimidated by it, and prefer to sweep it under the rug. They would just as soon feed chicken soup to warring parties in the hopes that all will come together in harmony. When they do occasionally sound abrasive, their harsh words will be quickly followed by syrupy ones, so as to quell any possibility of strife.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> ESFJ males may have some need to assume a dominant/leader role and will be put off or intimated if the female doesn't assume <I>her<N> "traditional" role. Female ESFJs may prefer permission from some authoritative source -- within or outside themselves -- to temper their tendency to be scheduled and formal. Beyond those obstacles they are warm, loving, and self-sacrificing lovers.

<IB>Commitment:<N> It is forever and ever. And if anything goes wrong, they tend to think of the relationship's demise as their own fault.

<IB>Parenting:<N> They can be very formal and structured. They expect children to behave and can induce guilt upon them if they don't. They can be almost smothering in their love and very sacrificing on behalf of their children. But these are not "free" sacrifices. The ESFJ expects obedience and commitment in return.

<IB>Contracting:<N> They stick by any contract. Their word is as good as gold. They are likely to sell out or subjugate their own needs in the name of harmony.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> They have trouble accepting relationship failure. Even death is easier than a relationship gone awry. But after they get past the guilt and the thought that they were responsible for the ending, they can wrap it up and walk away.}

.esfp
{<b><p18>ESFP <p12><n>

<b>Love Is Making the Most of Each Moment<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Life is a thrill a moment, and they want everyone to share in the fun. But in their freewheeling, free-spirited excitement, they can become somewhat tiring over time. They can become so immersed in a given moment that they can lose a sense of where the relationship is going -- or not going.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Fun, upbeat, can seem a bit fuzzyheaded, though usually delightful to be with. Quick spoken, perhaps even a bit abrupt or unintentionally direct. One is often drawn to be in their presence.

<IB>Communications:<N> Tend to be very literal and immediate. They hear precisely and speak exactly what they mean to say, almost always placing it in the present tense. They can misconstrue discussions of future events or even just thinking out loud as being immediate, concrete, and requiring action.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> They experience it in the here and now, and with all five senses. Their goal is to hang on to the moment, not losing by thinking too much about how good it may have been the last time -- or how good it could be the next time. Very earthy and sensual, wanting the close physical experience of their mate.

<IB>Finance:<N> Can be somewhat risky with money. They spend it when they have it, and don't worry about it when they're without it. While quite capable of handling day-to-day finances, they can get blind-sided as a result of their lack of long-term planning.

<IB>Conflict:<N> Can't stand it, can't face it, can't believe that it's happening. They would prefer to whistle a happy tune in the hopes that it would just go away.

<IB>Commitment:<N> Though their intentions may be forever, the only "forever" is right now, and that's how the commitment must be defined. Every day, every moment, the ESFP lives that commitment -- but every day is a new day.

<IB>Parenting:<N> As with most other things, it's a go-with-the-flow experience, making the most of every encounter. The more people, the more events, the more of everything, the merrier for all. Unfortunately that can leave them scattered and overextended, trying to take care of so much at one time, though they handle this process better than any other type.

<IB>Contracting:<N> Any agreement is only as good as the moment. They make a contract, live with it, and are not likely to panic if the contract is bent or modified a bit. It's all in a day's work.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> They tend to define themselves as one part of "two," rather than as a loner, so they may have trouble believing the relationship is over. But once that's accepted, it is clear that crying won't bring the relationship back. They are likely to have a good emotional release, accept the reality, and get on with their lives.}

.estj
{<b><p18>ESTJ <p12><n>

<b>Lean on Me<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Their gift to a relationship is stability and organization. They tend to be dependable, gregarious, and generally optimistic. Their capability and thoroughness can make them appear impatient and at times short-tempered. Rarely at a loss for words, they move through relationships convinced that they are right and that the world would be a better place if everyone else would conform.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Appropriate and well-mannered, they give an aura of being in charge of themselves and able to be in charge of the situation whenever necessary. They are engaging and easily engaged, rather robust and quick to share opinions of anything if moderately encouraged. Enjoy wit in others and are quick to be witty.

<IB>Communications:<N> They are sharp with words and very easy to talk to, always conveying the right words for the situation. Will be initially friendly and involving, however, as communication continues they can appear impatient and opinionated. They have a high need to be heard and to be influential. Can also be status conscious.

<IB>Finance:<N> Conservative but concerned about money. Good at long-term investing. They tend to have money and keep it. Responsible to causes if institutions (church, company, community, family) expect them to be. They can be very guarded and unwilling to take risks, always seeking to maximize security in the name of the family.

<IB>Conflict:<N> It is a reality of life. Responsibility includes finishing what you start, and that includes conflicts. In other words, if you start a conflict, you must finish it, and if you can't take it, then stay away. Don't open your mouth with any inflammatory words if you are not ready for the consequences.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> It is tangible and objective in terms of measured promises and obligations. For an ESTJ the mere act of providing for a family, and the stability that comes with such providence, are proof of their love. If it can't be measured and predicted, then intimacy probably doesn't exist. When you've got it, you know it; there's no need to blab it in sentimental inappropriateness.

<IB>Commitment:<N> It's forever. They took the vow and remain true to their word. If the relationship gets into trouble, you may sleep in separate beds, barely speak, but never split up. ESTJs may prefer to get lost in their work, hobbies, or other pursuits as means of avoiding a bad relationship. But to the outside world the commitment is intact, and that's important.

<IB>Parenting:<N> For ESTJs this is a never-ending responsibility, accepted as a fact of life. They can meddle when the kids go astray, work hard at shaping them up, even cut them off when things go badly. But when they show up at the door, an ESTJ parent will always take them back because they are their children forever. It's a duty that the ESTJ accepts gladly.

<IB>Contracting:<N> Contracts are one more goal that can be measured and quantified. If satisfaction is not realized, one must redo the contract or consider it null and void. So a contract is binding, but if you break your word or the contract, then all is up for grabs.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> It's not over until it's over, but when it's over, cut the cord and get on with life. Relationships, like anything else, are measurable and have certain goals. Without them you've got no relationship; without another person you've got no need for a goal. Of course, goals change or are redefined. It's just another fact of life.}

.estp
{<b><p18>ESTP <p12><n>

<b>Relationships Should Never Be Boring<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Exciting, thrilling, and risk-taking. They live in the present, driven by the philosophy that "what is" is always better than "what could be." It's a waste of time to cry over spilled milk, because the milk can't be recovered and the crying can get in the way of managing oneself. They try to make the most of every moment in a relationship, with the assumption that everything will fall into place. If it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Savvy, witty, clever, and easy to be around. They are quick at repartee, they can be charming and delightful in an initial encounter. Very realistic and somewhat hard charging, they reflect the philosophy that "Doing something is better than doing nothing."

<IB>Communications:<N> They can be precise with words, very literal, usually speaking in present tense. When something is said, they are likely to respond to it because ignoring it will mean they have passed up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. They have little interest in philosophizing or rehashing what was just said, putting off the discussion for later. For them, if it doesn't have immediate meaning and impact, it's probably not worth pursuing.

<IB>Finance:<N> They frequently can be clever in their handling of money, and are often viewed by others as high rollers and risk takers. Their financial bravado can give them an edge in the financial world. Though sharp with figures, they can be a bit stressful to their mates, who often long for more financial stability.

<IB>Conflict:<N> Much like the common cold, conflict is a fact of life that can't be cured. Resolving conflicts requires about the same amount of time and energy as it takes to ignore them, and the ESTP is equally capable doing either. When they do confront conflict, they tend to see it as a stepping-stone in the process of moving through life.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> This is a very sensual event for ESTPs -- touching, seeing, smelling, tasting, and hearing. It is best when all the senses are stimulated and there is ample time for expression, affirmation, and conversation about all that is happening. The act is most satisfying when the ESTP can make the most of the moment.

<IB>Commitment:<N> It is only as good as the present moment. They are not prone to make promises they cannot keep. For the ESTP the best-kept promises are simple, tangible, and specific. They work hard daily at the immediate parts of the relationship. Promises are not forever, says the ESTP. They are for the moment, and you discuss and renew them each day.

<IB>Parenting:<N> Every day, parenting begins anew. Each moment of parenting is an experience in which the ESTP teaches and is taught -- they grow with their kids, and help them grow. As with the rest of life, parenthood is an adventure which the ESTP enters -- and often leaves -- with more questions than answers.

<IB>Contracting:<N> The ESTP can see contracting as an unnecessary layer that is little more than good intentions. It's probably not even necessary, because if you're working daily at your relationship, the contracts will take care of themselves.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> A relationship can be over anytime either party fails to make the most of each moment. Driven by an awareness of not being able to undo what's happened -- the past -- they are more likely than any other type to sever strings to a relationship that has lost its meaning.}

.infj
{<b><p18>INFJ <p12><n>

<b>Heart, Mind, and Spirit<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Driven by a rich imagination and a deep concern for others, they are a source of unending inspiration and enjoyment to the people in their lives. Their inner life is their driving power, and a possible weakness is their slowness to share some of their inner richness. However, this is overcome by the sensitivity and concern shown toward their mate and children.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Tenderhearted and caring. Others come away mindful of their gentleness. They exhibit a marked concern for others and a desire to be pleasant and helpful in any situation. Low-key as they are, others find it pleasant to be in the INFJ's domain, and readily return for more.

<IB>Communications:<N> The real finesse of their communication is through the written word. They are clear, eloquent, and magnificent in their ability to use the perfect word for any situation. However, this is dependent on their having ample introverted time. Without it they can be somewhat slow to affirm to others or express themselves effectively.

<IB>Finance:<N> Details, practicality, and precision are the banes of their existence. It is difficult for them to find anything inspirational about something so mundane as money. As a result they tend to be poor money-handlers. Often aware of this weakness, they can be conservative and cautious with their money.

<IB>Conflict:<N> The word, and all it stands for, is abhorrent to INFJs. Death itself is probably faced more readily than anything that even resembles conflict. It is contrary to their nature and they believe that nothing good can come from it. When they must face conflict situations, they do so reluctantly, and with a heavy heart.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> This is the confluence of heart, mind, and spirit. It is a giving of self in the meeting of the mate, so that the two individuals become one entity. Intimacy, for INFJs, represents the loss of self in favor of their lover's needs. Their inner inspiration reaches its fullest potential in the overt acting out of love, caring, and giving in such a physical and tangible way.

<IB>Commitment:<N> It is deep, abiding, permanent, and ultimately the fulfillment of all life's goals and purposes. They are entered into with some caution and reserve, but once done, there's no turning back. Because INFJs are so determined about keeping commitments, they can be slow to forgive a lover who is less than 110 percent committed. They place high demands on themselves and their mates to give it all they've got.

<IB>Parenting:<N> Children are the realization of much of the INFJ's purpose in life. After mate and God comes parenting, as the ultimate value of a relationship. For them it is an expression of the deepest meaning of a person's movement through life. The same inspiration that guides them is passed on to their children. As parents INFJs are remembered by their children as patient, goodwilled, tender, and inspirational.

<IB>Contracting:<N> They are heavily committed to interpersonal growth and development, so contracting is the thing that keeps their relationship vital. INFJs translate their various thoughts and visions into goals that, when achieved, are measurable accomplishments that reflect the energy invested in the relationship.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> Like other Feelers, INFJs tend to hang on after a relationship is over, wondering what might have made things work better. Guilt can also keep them "holding on," when "letting go" would be in everyone's best interest. Once the feelings of failing and guilt are resolved, INFJs deem a relationship over, and like many Judgers, put it behind them and move on to other relationships.}

.infp
{<b><p18>INFP <p12><n>

<b>Inspiring Idealists<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Idealistic and inspirational, INFPs have a great capacity to nurture and encourage their mates. Though easygoing and affirming, they can be direct and even controlling when one of their personal values or ideals is challenged.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Easygoing, warm, gracious, very much aware of their space and yours. Fun and affirming, though a bit shy and removed. They can be slow to engage others, giving way to the inaccurate but common perception of being "stuck up."

<IB>Communications:<N> Though perhaps reserved in initiating a conversation, they can be deft in expressing themselves. Clear and precise with the written word, they can even be poetic when it comes to communicating about love and other relationship issues.

<IB>Finance:<N> They usually have a low interest in these issues. However, when it confronts them, the INFP can be sharp, clever, and astute money managers. As with many other skills, they can underestimate themselves and their capabilities, yet prove to be very competent.

<IB>Conflict:<N> Almost more than any other type, they shun and abhor conflict, doing anything to avoid it. When finally pushed to the brink, they can be tough, stubborn, persevering, confrontational, and downright unyielding.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> Like other Introverts they can be slow to express their needs and affection. Nonetheless, personal needs and affection run very deep with this type. As they become freer to express themselves, sex and intimacy can turn into moments of unselfish giving.

<IB>Commitment:<N> It is deep and quite probably forever. They are slow to make commitments -- cautious and questioning before the final signing on the bottom line. Right down to the end they ask, "Is this the right decision?" However, once a decision is made, it is a culmination of hopes, dreams, ideals, and it is good for a lifetime.

<IB>Parenting:<N> This is generally an accepted responsible that is relished. Children are a natural extension of the INFP's ideals, and parenting is the arena in which these ideals are nurtured and allowed to grow.

<IB>Contracting:<N> Because of their intense commitments, contracting can be a facilitative process that enhances the relationship. Though INFPs have a low need to be influential, they have a high need to be an integral part of those close to them. Whatever will help the relationship is worth doing.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> Their idealism makes it difficult for them to accept a relationship's demise. More than other types INFPs suffer great self-doubt, self-punishment, and other such self-rejecting feelings. Usually these are totally out of proportion to what has caused the relationship to end.}

.intj
{<b><p18>INTJ<p12><n>

<b>Any Relationship Can Be Improved<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Among the most visionary of the sixteen types, whose gift to the world is independence. They prize their independence, and wish it upon everyone in their lives -- mate, children, friends, and associates. They face a constant challenge of reconciling the vision of a perfect relationship with reality. They are inclined to constantly improve every part of a relationship, no matter how good it may already be.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Deep, somewhat serious, intellectually engaging. May appear somewhat aloof; may need to have the fun pulled out of them if it is to happen at all. INTJs generally will appreciate others doing that for them. They appear to "see" through you, giving you the impression that there is little they don't or can't understand.

<IB>Communications:<N> Slow to share, think deeply about every word spoken. Given half a chance, they can make any conversation complex. They love a conceptual exchange or discussion. Their comments can seem biting to others, though they are not necessarily intended that way. Often unwilling or unable to see their responsibility in a negative situation.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> Like much of life for INTJs, intimacy can be richer in its imagined state than in its actual experience. They need to think about intimacy, frame it, understand it, then work constantly at improving it and deepening it.

<IB>Finance:<N> Inwardly, they can have creative ideas and even develop iNtuitive schemes about money, but they tend to be conservative in the actual handling of it. As a general rule dealing with finances, especially the day-to-day stuff, is not one of their strengths.

<IB>Conflict:<N> They typically respond to conflict with something like, "I'll have to think about that." Though they do not shy away from a stressful encounter, they believe that if we better understood the words we speak, any conflict could easily be transformed into a learning experience with a positive outcome. They are often blamed by a more sensitive mate for intellectualizing or overanalyzing a situation when the mate only wanted support and understanding.

<IB>Commitment:<N> While they stand by their commitments, they may be occupied by reinterpretations of the original "contract." They believe a commitment is good as long as everybody involved understands the meaning of the word, all parties agree to that meaning, and it has not yet been redefined.

<IB>Parenting:<N> The greatest gift one can give a child as a parent is independence. To teach them to think independently, to stand on their own two feet, to be their own person, is the essence of bringing up children. Not seen as a warm, snugly nurturer.

<IB>Contracting:<N> Contracts are seen as statements of intent. They are to be defined carefully, then redefined in the light of the emerging realities.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> Once a relationship is over it needs to be dropped so one can move on to new goals. One must learn from the experience now ending, but the mind may be slower to let go of a relationship than is evident in the INTJ's behavior. They have internal struggle over understanding the dynamics of the relationship's failure.}

.intp
{<b><p18>INTP <p12><n>

<b>In Love, It's the Mind That Matters<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> The inner world of thoughts and ideas is endlessly rich for this type. Though they can be slow to communicate with their mates, it doesn't mean that things aren't churning in their minds. While appreciative of attention from their lovers, they can seem disinterested or unresponsive, but that's not the case. Special events, like anniversaries and birthdays, can be celebrated in a seemingly haphazard, last-minute way, not because of thoughtlessness but because the INTP had too many thoughts -- and too little time to carry them out.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> A bit aloof, maybe snobby, often intriguing. The intrigue changes to engaging as conversation ensues. Not good at small talk, but loves to talk or argue about nearly any concept.

<IB>Communications:<N> Until someone has proven themselves worthy of the INTP's mind, communication will be slow and somewhat awkward. Once challenged, the INTP will be engaging and confrontal over any exchange of ideas. Once disengaged or bored, however, they can walk away in a flash.

<IB>Finance:<N> Generally not their area of expertise unless the INTP has made it so. If not, they dabble in these matters and can have great financial schemes or plans, but may be very slow to translate these thoughts into action. If they make it an area of expertise, they will become more interested in money systems than actual dollars and cents.

<IB>Conflict:<N> Often intrigued by the concept of conflict but do not handle it personally very well. If it's unavoidable, they may connect it to something to be learned, objectifying it, riding it out, and process the results. INTPs can write mental word pictures of conflicts -- what happens, who says what -- and carry it out to infinite detail, but never move it much beyond their minds.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> Often a rich imagination sets up rich imagery for exotic moments. There is no limit to the pictures they can paint in their minds. As those pictures develop, the INTP's intimate moments can turn into an inferno of explosive and expressive affections.

<IB>Commitment:<N> Though it is forever, "forever" is defined daily in the light of new information. If a mate does not keep up, the INTP can get lost in a world of new definitions and redefined expectations.

<IB>Parenting:<N> Independence is the gift of the INTP parent. That is done by stimulating the children, exciting them to learn, and above all, giving the child's mind a chance to develop its own thoughts.

<IB>Contracting:<N> While appreciating the need for a contract, it's far more stimulating to write the contract, redesign the form, or interpret the contract than actually get down to the day-to-day nitty-gritty of carrying out the commitments.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> They have great difficulty doing this. But once an INTP says it's over, hell would freeze before the INTP would have a change of mind. If it's over, the INTP is rigid and unheeding in the resolve to let it stay over forever.}

.isfj
{<b><p18>ISFJ <p12><n>

<b>Service Before Self<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> They are the embodiment of home and hearth. Duty to mate and children precedes all else. ISFJs have a phenomenal capacity to tend to the needs of everyone else around them before they bother to take care of themselves. The danger is that others are likely to take advantage of their generosity and dependability; they can become the family doormat. But they are dependable nonetheless, making them a stabilizing factor in a relationship.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Their quietness belies their rock-solidness. They dress and act appropriately, usually offering the correct word for any situation. Their presence is felt, but it is not invading. After an initial encounter, one is likely to say, "What a pleasant person to be around."

<IB>Communications:<N> Though slow to express their own needs, they are straightforward and precise when they do speak. They are not given to argument, and expect others to act similarly. They can spot phoniness at a glance; they recognize when they are being snowed by a mate, child, or anyone else. For them communication is a simple matter: Say what you mean and mean what you say.

<IB>Finance:<N> They are very good with facts and figures, though they tend to be conservative with money matters. Though they often underestimate their math abilities, they are masters at handling the family checkbook. They are not likely to go into debt; for them you can't spend money until you have it. Credit cards are the bane of their existence because they can entice people to spend money they don't yet have, causing them to lose control of their finances.

<IB>Conflict:<N> As with other Feelers, conflict can be difficult. They must be pushed to the limit before they will bother to openly disagree. When they do, it can be like a dam that has burst: They may unleash a pent-up laundry list of faults, slights, and wrong-doings. Though they may feel guilty after such an outburst, they will likely view it as a purging and refreshing experience.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> Their intimacy is more an act of duty than a free, open expression of love. However, it is through such duty that a relationship can deepen and grow, thereby making intimacy itself more satisfying and meaningful. ISFJs see intimacy as an opportunity to say "I love you" in a very physical and tangible way. It is the ISFJ who is most likely to say, "I have never refused him/her."

<IB>Commitment:<N> Life, for ISFJs, is about commitment, and so life's ultimate pleasure is a commitment to a lifelong relationship. It is abhorrent to even consider breaking a relationship commitment. If a relationship seems off course, an ISFJ will likely feel he or she isn't working hard enough to keep the commitment. They will work extremely hard to get things on the right track, even if that goal remains ever elusive.

<IB>Parenting:<N> It is a responsibility and a duty. The ISFJs' mission is to impose obligations and appropriateness so that children grow into wise and responsible adults.

<IB>Contracting:<N> This is another goal and another duty for ISFJs, which one moves toward fulfilling. Reaching the goal will result in a better or clearer relationship. You set your sights, reach them, cross them off the list, then move on to the next important relationship concern. ISFJs are bound by their contracts, and expect others to be, too.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> They will hang on to a relationship long after it ends. Even after the death of a spouse, they will resist dating, or even certain kinds of socializing, if it means they may be untrue to their beloved. The end of a relationship can be crushing and stressful to ISFJs. Having fulfilled their duty and remained true to their vows, they can't imagine how things went awry.}

.isfp
{<b><p18>ISFP <p12><n>

<b>Can This Person Truly Be This Unassuming?<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> You can generally count on them for a listening ear, a tender touch, or a brief, supportive word. Their quiet, unassuming posture lends itself to being there for those who need them. Those who require continuous verbal feedback or affirmations may find this type frustrating, but for the ISFP, the kindly deed speaks for itself.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Warm, quietly friendly, easygoing, very unobtrusive. There is a sedate attraction that makes you want to be around them. They usually defer, regardless of what your type is. One can easily gravitate toward them, often wondering, "Can this person truly be this unassuming?"

<IB>Communications:<N> The other person generally must lead the way and the ISFP will be grateful. They can have many sharp insights to share about others, usually positive ones, but they need to be drawn out. Left to themselves, ISFPs can be self-effacing.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> It is a here-and-now event, experienced at a very deep level, with little or no need to talk or say anything about it to anyone -- including the ISFP's partner. Other tangible experiences, from cards and flowers to a gentle touch, may say it better than words.

<IB>Finance:<N> They can be very good with money; however, their own self-doubt can undermine their capabilities. Though it's not something they relish doing, they still can take care of finances with precision when necessary. Their last letter, P, can make them a little more risky and frisky with investments. Long-term financial planning is rarely a strength.

<IB>Conflict:<N> Without a great deal of support and encouragement, conflict is about the worst thing in the world with which an ISFP must deal. Anything is preferred to out-and-out disagreement. When finally pushed beyond their limits, ISFPs can become tenacious, and it can seem totally disproportionate to their regular demeanor.

<IB>Commitment:<N> Though their easygoing style may lead someone else to think the ISFP's commitment is fluid or changed, over the long haul it truly is inflexible and runs very deep.

<IB>Parenting:<N> They feel little need to control children though they are usually aware of a great deal of the family's dynamics. They tend to express what is hoped for in the children. But beyond some gentle support they let the rest of the process take its own course.

<IB>Contracting:<N> Willing contractors, who live by their deals, albeit appearing somewhat flexible. A little late or slow to respond, but never disinterested, no matter how much others may be inclined to think so.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> In their unassuming way they may not only be taken advantage of but taken for granted. They may therefore be quite slow to let go of relationships.}

.istj
{<b><p18>ISTJ<p12><n>

<b>Love Is a Goal Worth Achieving<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> Responsibility is their driving force, and after God they are most responsible to their mate, children, parents, in-laws, and friends, in that order. Fun -- like work, sex, money, and everything else -- is usually a part of their to-do list. If a successful relationship is not on the list, it simply won't happen. If it is, you can count on them to work hard to achieve that goal.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Neat, trim, crisp, and always appropriate, whatever the situation. Sharp dressers, who speak with precision. At times they may seem too crisp and even appear somewhat critical.

<IB>Communications:<N> They are good with words and always willing to assume responsibility for making sure communication takes place clearly and effectively. If not careful, ISTJs can transform a conversation into a win-lose proposition, prematurely curtailing further discussion.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> They are slow to express their feelings and while their intimacies may run very, very deep, little of that depth is likely to be shared. Physical intimacy will be scheduled with attention paid to gender appropriateness: who initiates it, who's aggressive, who assumes the dominant role, and who's on top.

<IB>Finance:<N> These are the financiers of the world -- actuaries, accountants, brokers, bankers, and so on. As the guardians of money they are experts at handling it, and are pleased to do so. Though somewhat conservative, they are most forthright in their financial dealings.

<IB>Conflict:<N> In general they don't believe in the concept. The only conflict is when someone disagrees with their point of view, which they assume to be correct. Therefore, conflict resolution can become an exercise in converting the other person over to their point of view.

<IB>Commitment:<N> Their word is their bond. A commitment made is forever, and they expect the same in return. Having once committed to something, only the fulfillment of this obligation or death is satisfactory.

<IB>Parenting:<N> The ISTJ's motto: A place for everything, and everything in its place; a role for everyone, and everyone in his or her role. Children should behave like children, mommies like mommies, and daddies like daddies. Don't change God's order.

<IB>Contracting:<N> Such an exercise seems unnecessary to ISTJs, because they and everyone else should be bound by their original commitments. However, if any contract is deemed appropriate, then it becomes the law.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> The ISTJ is slow to break any commitment, no matter how unpleasant it may be. However, if the ISTJ feels the relationship should be over, then the best thing to do is to accept that reality and get to work doing what must be done.}

.istp
{<b><p18>ISTP <p12><n>

<b>Action Speaks Louder Than Words<n>

<IB>General Statement:<N> The original Jacks and Janes of all trades. They are good at trying almost anything at least once; that's also the way they approach meaningful relationships. When a relationship is working, ISTPs will keep it going; when it is not working, they will fix it -- or get out of it. They can become so engrossed in fixing or negotiating a relationship that they may occasionally mess things up just so they can fix them again.

<IB>First Impressions:<N> Cool, yet very intense. Grounded and capable of many interests. They raise good questions and see most of life as a practical challenge. Though they can be somewhat informal, their self-confidence and ready capabilities carry them through most initial encounters.

<IB>Communications:<N> They speak little. In fact, they can become easily bored with lengthy dissertations or complex answers to simple questions. If a "Thanks!" says it, then "Thank you" is verbose. They are reluctant to share their own points of view, preferring to raise questions so as to involve others in the conversation.

<IB>Finance:<N> Moderate risk-takers, they see money and finances as a challenge, another thing to be "fixed." ISTPs are precise and practical in financial matters, though never terribly bound by rules and procedures. Their motto: If you've got it, spend it or invest it; if not, go earn some.

<IB>Conflict:<N> They are not ones to start conflicts, but neither are they likely to shy away from them. Because actions speak louder than words, they prefer not to waste time talking. And they resist starting anything, especially a conflict, unless they think it can be resolved. They get excited about negotiations, resolutions, and turning a difficult situation into something constructive.

<IB>Sex and Intimacy:<N> Because ISTPs live in the moment, intimacy is meaningful and satisfying -- as long as it lasts. Experiencing it through the five senses is what intimacy is all about. Talking about it will not make it better, and it could even ruin a good situation if someone says something he or she later regrets.

<IB>Commitment:<N> This, too, is of the moment. They can work hard at it, but will likely be mindful that things can change. So it is a matter of making the moment. Each new day is a renewal of the earlier commitment, and it is good only as long as both parties agree.

<IB>Parenting:<N> Like other Introverted-Perceivers, ISTPs have little need to influence, let alone control, their children. In parenthood they do the best they can with what they have -- and hope that it all works out.

<IB>Contracting:<N> The very word sounds psychological to them, and that makes it questionable to an ISTP. If they live by their commitments, they feel they don't need a contract. If a relationship is in trouble, get busy and fix it or forget it, says the ISTP. That's common sense, for which one needs no psychological training.

<IB>Ending Relationships:<N> When a relationship is over, it's over. Nothing brings the relationship back; that's just the way it is. So, says the ISTP, get on with your life, one day at a time. Yesterday is dead and gone, and so is the relationship. So they make the most of each day as it comes.}
